God's Truth In Love

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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 8 Stages of Grief / Stage 8

In Advice, Agape Love, Anger, Anxiety, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Depression, Devotional, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prayer, Prophet, Prophetess, Spiritual Fruit, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on March 26, 2015 at 5:33 pm

There comes a point within the grief process where the individual who is grieving finds themselves resisting returning to their normal routine, activates, and responsibilities. This resistance might be only slight or it might be significant but the general unwillingness to get on with life typically manifest.

This resistance might manifest as an unwillingness to get dressed, clean the house, run needed errands, attend social events, church, clubs, or exercise. If the resistance manifest in an enormous way a person might refuse to go back to work. All such actions of resistance can have negative consequences, which will only add to the emotional burden of the grieving person.

This unwillingness or hesitancy in returning to normal activities is really about fear, the fear of returning to living. This fear can be driven by concern over how people will respond to the grieving person. The grieving person will fear rejection should they have a desire to talk about their loss. There is also fear associated with encountering something that reminds the griever of the person, persons, relationship, or opportunity they have lost. Additionally, grievers have fear that people have forgotten what they are going through, since other people appear to be returning to their normal routines.

During this stage, it is my personal hope that people have taken the preventive measure mentioned in an earlier part of this series, trying to continue in a normal routine as much as is possible. It is much easier to continue with life than it is to return to life. Once a person’s sits down in their grief or pain for too long it becomes quite difficult to get up once again.

Nevertheless, a person must at some point return to life and business as usual, for life must go on. As Christian friends and family of the grieving person we must, in love, exhort and encourage the grieving individual to return to their normal activities. We must help them face their new reality. Attempting to shelter a person from their new reality and from returning to a normal routine will only hurt them long-term. If we truly love them then we will help them get up and go on with life.

Part of that agape love we need to show them might involve not doing for them, instead of doing for them. By discontinuing taking care of their personal needs, such as house cleaning, shopping, yard maintenance, and cooking we put the responsibility back on them and thus they are forced to get on with life. It is not insensitive to do this, it is necessary for the overall wellbeing of the individual who is grieving. Real love makes some tough choices sometimes.

In the next part of this series, part nine, we will take a break from the stages of grief to address the earlier mentioned verses in the Book of Job, gleaning their insights on the issue of grief, before we begin to cover the last two stages of grief, the healing stages.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt.7 Stages of Grief / Stage 6 and 7

In Advice, Agape Love, Anger, Anxiety, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Depression, Devotional, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prayer, Prophet, Prophetess, Rhema Words, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on March 20, 2015 at 1:52 pm

The next two stages of grief are often inverted as far as when they might manifest in someone life. The two stages feed off one another and are somewhat interdependent in order to survive and thrive. However, being interdependent means that once one is effectively dealt with the other will most likely die. These two stages are guilt and hostility or anger coupled with resentment.

At this point, the grieving person begins to feel guilt relating to the loss they have suffered. They might focus on their own past wrong actions relating to the loss, their mistreatment of the person they have lost, or their neglect in the situations where they have suffered a loss. It is quite common to spend a period of time only focused on the negative or less desirable aspects of the relationship[s] at the center of the loss, the wrongs done to one another, and the ugly things that were said.

In so doing, the griever might exaggerate wrongs that took place or even imagine wrongs that did not take place. Either way to some degree, the wrongs the griever struggles with are real to them and must be dealt with. The Scripture tells us, to ‘confess our sins one to another and to pray for one another, so our healing can come.’ That is exactly what the griever should do. They should find someone to talk with and unburden the real feelings of guilt they are carrying, thus putting the feelings into perspective so they can move on.

James 5:16 (KJV-AV)

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Most importantly, one must go to Christ Jesus and seek forgiveness for the wrongs they have done to the person they have lost. If the person has died who was wronged, then the griever cannot go to them for forgiveness. In still other cases, it might not be possible to reach out to the person involved in one’s loss therefore finding forgiveness without direct interaction with the wounded party is necessary. The griever must seek forgiveness from God, forgive himself or herself, and often they also have got to be willing to forgive the person they have lost for the wrongs done to them as well. Forgiveness is a major part of any form of healing.

In dealing with this process for some people the hostility, anger, and/or resentment begins to emerge. Then for other people the hostility, anger, and/or resentment is covering up or acts as an introduction to the guilt they are feeling. Whether the hostility, anger, and/or resentment precedes or follows the guilt, it must be effectively brought under control and then ultimately eliminated.

This hostility and resentment can be directed toward the person who has been lost, the people involved such as spiritual leaders, medical personnel, caregivers, family, perpetrators, or God. Here the griever is wrestling with “the cause” or “who caused” their loss. The griever might vacillate between searching for someone to blame and their own guilty feelings over having not done more. Again, the idea that they or anyone else could have done any more to prevent the loss may not be realistic but feelings during grief are not based on what is realistic. Questions emerge such as, “Why didn’t he or she fight harder to survive?” “Why didn’t the staff do more to save my loved one?” “Why didn’t my spiritual leader’s prayers work?” What is more, the biggest question of them all, “Why did God let this happen?”

Feelings of anger toward God are difficult for Christians to acknowledge and deal with. However, God is well aware of their inner feelings and talking them over with another godly mature Christian can be very helpful to the grieving person.

Hostility during grief is part of the healing process but it is not something that should be ignored or encouraged, it should instead be dealt with as quickly as possible. Anger has a tendency to grow when left unchecked and it can grieve The Spirit in a Christian if they do not lay it aside.

Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV)

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

In the next part of this series, part eight, we will examine stage eight of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 6 Stages of Grief / Stage 5

In Advice, Agape Love, Anxiety, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Depression, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Persecution, Prophecy, Prophet, Prophetess, Suffering, Truth on March 12, 2015 at 12:51 pm

In stage five of grief people find themselves in an emotional mix of fear, panic, and anxiety.

The grief can be so overwhelming for some people in certain situations that they become convinced something is wrong with them; they begin to fear that they are gravely damaged in some way in their minds. This leads the person to begin to panic and they find themselves either thinking about only what they believe is happening to them, going insane, or they can only think about their grief and loss continually. Both of these endless pathways of thought are extremely unhealthy for the grieving person.

People react to panic in different ways. Those ways can make them either grab for their neighbors hand for love and support or it can cause them to raise their hand against their neighbor in frustration and anger. The Bible talks about the panic in “The day of the Lord.” The Scripture even says that panic is from the Lord.

Zechariah 14:13 (NKJV)

It shall come to pass in that day

That a great panic from the LORD will be among them.

Everyone will seize the hand of his neighbor,

And raise his hand against his neighbor’s hand;

Why would panic come from the Lord? Perhaps, when we panic we are humbled to a place of understanding that ultimately, there is only One person who can help us completely and totally and that One person is Jesus, the Christ, and I pray your Saviour, as He is mine. Jesus can restore the panicked mind to wholeness, soundness, and sanity.

There is also anxiety during this stage of the grieving process. This anxiety can manifest in dreams about the person they lost to death or the relationship they have lost or the opportunity they have lost. These dreams are very real to the individual and can seem very lifelike to the person. They may believe that their lost loved one has been in their presence or has spoken to them.

During the anxiety process of grief, depending on the intensity of the grief, the griever may believe they see the person they have lost when they are out in public. They might believe this to such a degree that they approach the individual, only to realize it is not the person they thought it was after all.

Spiritual anxiety will manifest in the form of seemly endless questions and focus on the “why” of the matter. Why did the person die? Why did this happen? Why did she or he leave me? Why did I lose my job, I was a good worker? Where is he or she at now? Did they go to heaven? Did they go to hell? Why did God let this happen? Why did God make this happen? Why didn’t God stop this from happening? Why? Why? Why?

During this time of anxiety, the griever must place their trust in their God. They must relent to the truth that God is the Giver of Life and a person’s life does not end one moment before God ordained it to end. The Scripture warn us that feeding anxiety, which we do when we do not trust God and we continually struggle with questions we cannot answer, will only lead to something far worse – depression.

Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression,

But a good word makes it glad.

Instead, reach out to the Lord with all your anxieties and questions and trust that He will bring you comfort, peace, and strength. In so doing, it has been my personal experience and I have observed it in other people for many years, if we do not find comfort, peace, and strength it is all too often because we refuse to accept God’s Will and God’s Way of doing things. If we do not like how He leads us, how He tells us to deal with the anxieties, worries, and concerns of our lives, then we might not respond to what He prompts us to do, thus we find no comfort, peace, or strength in life – no victory.

Psalm 94:19 (NKJV)

In the multitude of my anxieties within me,

Your comforts delight my soul.

All of this panic and anxiety produces fear and lots of it in many different forms. Fear of going crazy. Fear of losing one’s faith. Fear of being alone. Fear of other people’s questions. Fear of forgetting the loved one who has died. Fear of being unloved or unlovable due to rejection in a relationship. Fear of how to conduct life now, without the one you have loved so dearly. Fear of having to interact with others without that special person. With proper responses to God’s guidance and direction, all fears can be overcome.

In the next part of this series, part seven, we will examine stage six of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 5 Stages of Grief / Stage 4

In Advice, Agape Love, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Depression, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prophecy, Prophet, Prophetess, Spiritual Fruit, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on March 5, 2015 at 11:08 am

In stage four of grief people begin to feel various forms of physical distress or illness this is the physical symptoms stage.

The inward depression and unresolved emotional turmoil begins to manifest in physical symptoms of illness brought on by the distress the person is experiencing. If the loss is due to the death of another individual, the person may manifest the physical symptoms that were connected with the individual’s death. Fears of various illnesses abound during this stage. This is the innermost parts of the griever crying out to be with or join the deceased person.

If the individual is grieving over another form of loss that is not associated with someone’s death their grief may manifest in symptoms of panic attacks, believing they are gravely ill in some manner, physical exhaustion, chest pains, headaches, et cetera this is their body responding to the unresolved emotions of grief, anger, frustration, fear, and so forth. For people suffering this type of grief these symptoms could well continue until they resolve their feeling over the loss. Some individuals suffer from panic attacks, exhaustion, or migraine headaches for years due to unresolved issues in their lives.

The best and really only help for this stage of the grief process is for the person to understand the grief process and realize that their symptoms are an emotional response that is manifesting in a physical response to some degree. Although the symptoms appear real to the griever they are not actually having a heart attack or developing cancer.

For those helping the grieving person the best thing to do is not to encourage the concerns the griever has over their physical symptoms but instead to remind them that it is an emotional response caused by distress and exhort them not exasperate the situation by entertaining the physical symptoms as anything about which to be overly concerned. If the griever persist in manifesting physical symptoms those around him or her should encourage the grieving person to go to their doctor for a physical checkup to ensure they are in fact fine and disease or illness free.

In the next part of this series, part six, we will examine stage five of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.