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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 4 Stages of Grief / Stage 3

In Advice, Agape Love, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Depression, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prophecy, Prophet, Prophetess, Spiritual Fruit, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on February 27, 2015 at 1:07 pm

In stage three of grief people begin to feel various forms of despair this is the depression stage.

The depression that comes with loss is situational depression or depression that is based in circumstances not depression derived from diet, disorder, chemical changes, et cetera. Depression is very natural during the grieving process.

Once the emotional release has passed, the deep pain, sorrow, and/or anger the person has felt, will turn inward and manifest in the form of depression. This depression is accompanied by a deep sense of loneliness and feelings of isolation. If the depression is deep enough, it can produce fears that one is going insane and/or problems with a sense of panic. The person is now in the utter depths of despair.

Those around the grieving person will soon realize that the griever feels there is no help or hope for them. They will push people away despite the fact that they also know and feel they need people. Therefore, one day they may shut you out and the next day want you around. For the person grieving these feelings are confusing and for the people surrounding the grieving person who desires to love and help them this behavior can be confusing and frustrating. Both parties need to realize and remind themselves regularly that these feels are quite normal, yet; both parties should have concern if the depression is denied or not dealt with properly.

This is the stage where a person should seek to move their way out of the grief and into new life and those around the griever should begin to encourage that slowly and gently. However, typically a grieving person will have to go through a few more stages of grief, about five, before they begin truly to move out of depression.

This is why there is debate over whether or not there are ten or five stages of grief. One theory of thought is that the next five stages of grief are not separate stages but are a part of the depression stage. People have to deal with the various emotional issues individually to truly work through them therefore, I subscribe to the ten stages of grief theory and do not lump all the emotional issues into the depression stage.

At this point, it is wise for the grieving person to attempt as much as possible to resume or continue in their normal routine and actives even when they find it most difficult to do so. Clearly, they cannot go to work if they cannot control their emotions to a significant degree, as one cannot sit at their desk cry openly all day. However, one can go to work and once or twice throughout the day slip into the restroom for five minutes when they are in such pain that the tears must flow. Likewise they should continue to go the church, even if they are angry with God and do not want to be there. They should continue to attend their gym or exercise classes as exercise is a physical combatant of depression. If they are active in clubs and organization, they should go as often as possible. Activities as insignificant as getting up each day at their regular time, dressing fully, eating regularly, and tending to their surroundings are vital for the grieving person. It is imperative that they not stop the routines of life for very long because doing so can result in worsening depressing. One must get up and continue on with life while in the mist of their grief.

If you as the griever find yourself bombarded with well meaning people who ask you repeated how you are doing, what you have been feeling, or where you are at with the loss each time you go to work, church, or your social groups I have a solution for you. Kindly and with respect let them know that you are aware they are concerned for you and care about you but you are trying to keep it together and go about your normal routine and it is made more difficult by them asking questions each time they see you. Then tell them you would welcome their expressions of concern perhaps once a week or so but not each time you see them. Godly boundaries are a healthy and necessary part of life.

While the griever is in the depression stage those that love them should spend time with them, invite them out, go over to visit them, et cetera. Do all that you can to ensure that you do not allow the grieving person to isolate her or himself. However, balance this act of love and kindness with making sure you do not overwhelm them with obligations. Also do not ask them how they are or about their loss each time you see them. Trust me they are not doing well so why ask every single time you are in their presence. Just be there, spend time with them, and encourage them to go and do things with you. I also realize a depressed person can be a bit of wet blanket but dig down deep in your spirit and pull out some of that agape love, love in action, Jesus was famous for and commands us to have for one another.

In the next part of this series, part five, we will examine stage four of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

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Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 3 Stages of Grief / Stage 2

In Advice, Agape Love, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prophecy, Prophet, Prophetess, Remnant, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on February 20, 2015 at 9:16 am

In stage two of grief people begin to feel the impact of their loss this is the emotional release stage.

During the emotional release stage of grief, people begin to come out of their state of shock and the emotions that have been building up inside of them begin to emerge. These emotions can emerge in both a verbal and physical manner. The release of the emotions in both manners can be healthy but most assuredly care should be taken to ensure the safety of the individual grieving, other people, and/or someone’s personal property. People’s reactions emotionally can vary widely therefore, they must be carefully monitored during this period.

The griever during this stage is beginning to feel the dreadful loss they have suffered. Expressing or releasing these feeling is far better than trying to repress them.

For those monitoring a grieving person they must realize that this is a process the individual must go through and attempts to keep them calm or distract them from their feelings is not helping them. When one Christian watches another Christian release the anger, frustration, pain, sorrow and/or distress inside of them, perhaps blaming the person who has been lost or people attached to the loss, this can be a very difficult thing to watch. Someone may find himself or herself watching an individual they have always known to be godly now perhaps blame God, yell, scream, or simply appear to fall apart emotionally. Please know that your godly friend or loved one is still inside that person and that what you are watching is emotional pain and nothing more.

The best thing a godly person can do for someone in this stage of grief is to allow them to vent their emotions provided they are not hurting themselves, others, or someone’s personal property. Be nearby and avail bile but allow the individual to go through this process. This emotional process may require a series of emotional outburst over the course of time. One single emotional outburst most likely will not mean the end of this stage of grief for most people. Be as patient, kind, and loving as possible while also taking care of your own safety and emotional health.

Emotional release is so important that some hospitals have now provided what they call “screaming rooms” which offer a person in grief somewhere safe to go and vent their feeling.

In the next part of this series, part four, we will examine stage three of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 2 Stages of Grief / Stage 1

In Advice, Agape Love, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Devotional, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prophecy, Prophet, Prophetess, Remnant, Rhema Words, Spiritual Remnant, Suffering, Truth on February 13, 2015 at 8:04 am

There is one school of belief that states there are five stages of grief and there is another school of belief that maintains there are ten stages of grief. I believe ten stages to be much more reasonable and realistic.

The first stage of grief is shock, that sense of disbelief and bewilderment.

During the “shock stage” of grief, much of the mind, soul, and emotional functioning shuts down to a certain degree to insulate itself from something it finds too unbearable. While in the stage of shock the mind and soul is able to comprehend slowly the reality of the situation with which the person is faced. This slow process is in my belief a form of God’s protection as He adjusts the person’s spirit and overall being to their new circumstances. God created mankind’s bodies and He knows there is only so much emotional (soul) pain a person can endure without becoming mentally derailed completely, so He provided the state of shock.

Shock happens regardless of whether or not someone expected the loss to take place, such as in the case of the death of a loved one who has been ill for a long time with a terminal illness or in the case of a divorce that one has known was inevitable for a long time. Just because someone has the knowledge that something is going to happen does not mean his or her minds are prepared for the reality of the loss once it actually takes place.

Denial kicks in pretty quickly after a loss takes place and can last for a long period of time. It is hard for someone to grasp fully that a relationship is over, a dream is gone, or someone they have loved dearly is dead. This is when the sense of unreality takes place and the person begins to feel numb or numbness about the situation. This emotional and mental numbness can last for hours, days, weeks, or sadly, in some cases it drags on for years, which is very mentally and emotionally dangerous.

Not being able to fully grasp or face the full enormity of a loss is God’s anesthetic against the pain of overwhelming loss. Therefore shock is a stage of grief people should welcome and allow other individuals to fully experience in order to process their loss in a healthy manner. The best thing a godly person can do for someone in the early stages of shock is not to overwhelm them with questions, requests, or smothering comfort. Being close by, available, keeping an eye out for the person to assure they do not wonder into danger, and praying for the person, for them not with them as they might not be equipped or prepared to pray initially, is the best course of action in these early stages of shock.

As stated earlier long-term shock can be very unhealthy mentally and emotionally. Therefore, in the case of long-term shock or mental and emotional numbness that has gone on for months or years the best thing a godly person can for an individual in this situation is to urge them to seek godly counsel so they can deal with their unhealthy state of denial and move on.

In the next part of this series, we will address stage two of grief.

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

Grief – Suffering All Will Endure – Pt. 1 What is grief?

In Advice, Agape Love, Bible, Biblical Principles, Chrisitan Lifestyle, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Devotional, Encouragement, Exhortation, God, God's Voice, Godliness, Godly Counsel, Grief, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Loss, Love, Prophet, Prophetess, Spiritual Remnant, Suffering, Truth, Uncategorized on February 4, 2015 at 4:31 pm

If there was ever anyone, who understood the pain of loss and what it meant to struggle with grief it was Job, from the Book of Job in the Bible. Job was a man who lost everything but his faith in the One True God.

As we explore what the word “grief” actually means and how it is defined by various sources, we will reference some verses from the Book of Job. In another part of the series, we will glean what we can learn about grief and how to handle grief from these same verses.

Job 2:13 (NKJV)

So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Job 6:2 (NKJV)

“Oh, that my grief were fully weighed,

And my calamity laid with it on the scales!

Job 16:5 (NKJV)

But I would strengthen you with my mouth,

And the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.

Job 16:6 (NKJV)

“Though I speak, my grief is not relieved;

And if I remain silent, how am I eased?

Please take note of the various underlined terms or words within the definitions provided below. You will find my notes in italic font.

Grief per the Hebrew language as found in the above verses from the Book of Job.

3511. כְּאֵב ke˒êb, keh-abe’; from 3510; suffering (phys. or ment.), adversity:— grief, pain, sorrow.

3510. כָּאַב kâ˒ab, kaw-ab’; a prim. root; prop. to feel pain; by impl. to grieve; fig. to spoil:— grieving, mar, have pain, make sad (sore), (be) sorrowful.

3707. כָּעַס kâ˓aç, kaw-as’; a prim. root; to trouble; by impl. to grieve, rage, be indignant:be angry, be grieved, take indignation, provoke (to anger, unto wrath), have sorrow, vex, be wroth.

3708. כַּעַס ka˓aç, kah’-as; or (in Job)

כַּעַשׂ ka˓as, kah’-as; from 3707; vexation:anger, angry, grief, indignation, provocation, provoking, × sore, sorrow, spite, wrath.

As you pour over the words and terms used in the Hebrew language to define grief it becomes clear that grief can cause a great deal and wide variety of feelings in a person. These feelings may manifest one at a time or several feelings may manifest simultaneously. Because grief involves so many emotions, it can be terribly destructive if the person does not handle their grief correctly or if a person attempts to deny their grief and stifle the grieving process.

Grief per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

1 obsolete : GRIEVANCE
2 a : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement b : a cause of such suffering
3 a : an unfortunate outcome : DISASTER — used chiefly in the phrase come to grief

Grief at its core means something has happened to us that we did not want to have happen, something we often have had little or no control over but not always, there are times when we are a part of producing our own grief.

Grief per the Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary

deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; also : a cause of such suffering

Grief per Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss, along with saudade.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away. Grief is also a reaction to any loss. The grief associated with death is familiar to most people, but individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill health or the end of a relationship. Loss can be categorized as either physical or abstract, the physical loss being related to something that the individual can touch or measure, such as losing a spouse through death, while other types of loss are abstract, and relate to aspects of a person’s social interactions.”

Grief affects not only our emotions it can affect how we act, our physical health, how we treat others, our desire to be with people, our spiritual beliefs, and even our life view or course of life. Although grief is a natural response to loss, mismanaged it can lead to various forms of destruction in our lives. People’s destructive behavior can often be traced back to unresolved grief in some area of their life.

In the next part of this series, part two, we will begin to examine the ten stages of grief.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.