In stage three of grief people begin to feel various forms of despair this is the depression stage.

The depression that comes with loss is situational depression or depression that is based in circumstances not depression derived from diet, disorder, chemical changes, et cetera. Depression is very natural during the grieving process.

Once the emotional release has passed, the deep pain, sorrow, and/or anger the person has felt, will turn inward and manifest in the form of depression. This depression is accompanied by a deep sense of loneliness and feelings of isolation. If the depression is deep enough, it can produce fears that one is going insane and/or problems with a sense of panic. The person is now in the utter depths of despair.

Those around the grieving person will soon realize that the griever feels there is no help or hope for them. They will push people away despite the fact that they also know and feel they need people. Therefore, one day they may shut you out and the next day want you around. For the person grieving these feelings are confusing and for the people surrounding the grieving person who desires to love and help them this behavior can be confusing and frustrating. Both parties need to realize and remind themselves regularly that these feels are quite normal, yet; both parties should have concern if the depression is denied or not dealt with properly.

This is the stage where a person should seek to move their way out of the grief and into new life and those around the griever should begin to encourage that slowly and gently. However, typically a grieving person will have to go through a few more stages of grief, about five, before they begin truly to move out of depression.

This is why there is debate over whether or not there are ten or five stages of grief. One theory of thought is that the next five stages of grief are not separate stages but are a part of the depression stage. People have to deal with the various emotional issues individually to truly work through them therefore, I subscribe to the ten stages of grief theory and do not lump all the emotional issues into the depression stage.

At this point, it is wise for the grieving person to attempt as much as possible to resume or continue in their normal routine and actives even when they find it most difficult to do so. Clearly, they cannot go to work if they cannot control their emotions to a significant degree, as one cannot sit at their desk cry openly all day. However, one can go to work and once or twice throughout the day slip into the restroom for five minutes when they are in such pain that the tears must flow. Likewise they should continue to go the church, even if they are angry with God and do not want to be there. They should continue to attend their gym or exercise classes as exercise is a physical combatant of depression. If they are active in clubs and organization, they should go as often as possible. Activities as insignificant as getting up each day at their regular time, dressing fully, eating regularly, and tending to their surroundings are vital for the grieving person. It is imperative that they not stop the routines of life for very long because doing so can result in worsening depressing. One must get up and continue on with life while in the mist of their grief.

If you as the griever find yourself bombarded with well meaning people who ask you repeated how you are doing, what you have been feeling, or where you are at with the loss each time you go to work, church, or your social groups I have a solution for you. Kindly and with respect let them know that you are aware they are concerned for you and care about you but you are trying to keep it together and go about your normal routine and it is made more difficult by them asking questions each time they see you. Then tell them you would welcome their expressions of concern perhaps once a week or so but not each time you see them. Godly boundaries are a healthy and necessary part of life.

While the griever is in the depression stage those that love them should spend time with them, invite them out, go over to visit them, et cetera. Do all that you can to ensure that you do not allow the grieving person to isolate her or himself. However, balance this act of love and kindness with making sure you do not overwhelm them with obligations. Also do not ask them how they are or about their loss each time you see them. Trust me they are not doing well so why ask every single time you are in their presence. Just be there, spend time with them, and encourage them to go and do things with you. I also realize a depressed person can be a bit of wet blanket but dig down deep in your spirit and pull out some of that agape love, love in action, Jesus was famous for and commands us to have for one another.

In the next part of this series, part five, we will examine stage four of grief.

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

¹¹And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, ¹²for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, ¹³till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; ¹⁴that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, ¹⁵but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— ¹⁶from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.