In the final stage of grief, the second healing stage, the person who has struggled through the dark days of grief begins to inwardly and outwardly avow their new reality.
At this point their new life, life without whatever or whomever they lost begins. The person must begin to move in their new reality which now includes perhaps one or more of the following – a life lived without a parent in it, a life that will not include a child that has been lost, the reality of single life after years of companionship from a loving spouse, life beyond the end of a dream or hope, or the unsteady steps of building new relationships after the loss of a dear friend, social community, or church group.
The new reality of the griever’s life, their new role in life, must be accepted and embraced, for their life must continue to propel itself forward if the grieving person is to find peace. This is a period of renewal of sorts, in that, by the winds of change the griever’s life has been made different and therefore new in many ways. Going back to the old self is no longer an option for the griever as there is a missing dynamic to what the old self use to be.
There are daily choices that must be made as part of the new life. Life is a series of choices in many ways and those choices make up the fabric of what our life entails. For those ready to stand on the other side of their grief they must choose daily to accept their new reality and live in that reality. In making that one grand choice they must make a series of smaller choices that support living in their new reality, all the “what to do’s” and the “what not to do’s” of life. I will go walking today. I will not sit on the couch and cry for hours. I will call a friend and go visit them instead of indulging in self-pity. I will not sit alone and sulk over my loss, eating or drinking to comfort myself. I will not focus on what might have been, that dream is over. I will focus on what God has brought into my life and give myself to that work/service.
There is a sense of strength found in the new reality and renewal of the person who has suffered from grief and loss. If a person has come through heavy grief and now finds himself or herself on the other side staring their new reality and new life in the face, then they cannot help but be a stronger person.
1 Peter 1:6–9 (NKJV)
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.
James 1:2–4 (NKJV)
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
To survive loss takes strength and to survive loss and then thrive takes greater strength and profound courage therefore, godly Christians cannot help but cultivate an inner strength and greater dependence upon God that opens their eyes to the potential beauty to be found in their renewed life. The difference to be found between Survivors and Overcomers is found in the beautiful life lessons they can see and glean from their grief, trials, and hardships in life. One of the most beautiful treasures people find in grief is the great value of people and relationships that cannot be taught any other way.
In the next part of this series, part twelve, I will offer a prayer for healing from grief and loss.
Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:
This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.
Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV
11And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.