In this part of the series, we will glean what we can learn about grief and how to handle grief from the verses below taken from the Book of Job.

As many people reading this might know, Job was a man in the Bible that God allowed Satan to attack. Through a series of attacks on Job’s life he lost everything he had except his life and I do mean everything tangible and temporary. He lost his home, his children, his marriage was broken down, his health was horrible, he lost his business and he lost all his possessions.

Job was left with three things in the end: his life, his faith, and his God, which was all Job needed to make a comeback and make a comeback he did. At the end of Job’s life he had more than he had ever lost, as God restored what he had lost tenfold and then some.

Nevertheless, during that middle season of Job’s life he grieved and he grieved intensely. Now let us look at that grief. We will examine how Job responded and how those around him responded.

Job 2:13 (NKJV)

So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Job’s grief is described as “very great” which to me seems like an understatement. For a man suffering from such monumental losses I am sure words could not sufficiently express his pain. Very often we have no words to express our grief sufficiently when we are going through a loss. We really should not try to express our feelings beyond what we are able, as words cannot always express what is in the human heart.

Notice in this verse that Job’s acquaintances or friends who came to visit him during his grief done nothing more at this point other than sit down with him, on the ground right where he was sitting, for seven days and they said nothing. These individuals did not quote Scripture at, try to express sorrow, try to verbally empathize or express sympathy for at least seven days. Today we do the opposite and unfortunately we often overwhelm the person who is in the early stages of grief with phone calls, text, visits, etc. in an effort to express our care during a time when they are in all probability in shock.

I believe there is much to be learned from those individuals in this verse who sat around Job during his grief. We too should learn to simply sit silently with someone who is suffering in pain and grief. We too should not search for words but instead let our presence and our presence alone do the talking for us. We too need to allow people space to adjust to the shock of what has happened to them.

Job 6:2 (NKJV)

“Oh, that my grief were fully weighed,

And my calamity laid with it on the scales!

A person in the throes of grief longs to be understood but often feels that no one understands their loss. Quite honestly no one can understand their loss completely because grief is very personal and the pain very privately held within the deep recesses of our souls. The grief that people see exhibited in our actions is often only a small example of the grief we feel deep within ourselves.

In a society where things are quite generic in nature, where we prize equality even when equality is not always possible or best, we have a difficult time accepting that not all grief is alike. Not everyone’s grief is equal. The grief I have suffered in my lifetime does not equal the grief Job suffered during his lifetime. The various forms of grief I have suffered in life are not equal to one another; they vary in length and the amount of pain or hardship they caused. The sorrows and losses you will suffer might be worse than what someone else will suffer in sorrows and losses during their lifetime. The weight of our trials is as different as we are different.

If we measure out the intensity and quantity of the various issues of grief people will go through during a lifetime they will not be evenly distributed among people. Therefore, let us be cautious before easily allowing the words, ‘I am so sorry, I understand how you feel.’ to slip from our lips. We may feel sad and sorry for them but do we really understand how they feel? More times than not, no, we do not know how they feel.

Job 16:5 (NKJV)

But I would strengthen you with my mouth,

And the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.

As time passes and the initial shock of someone grief begins to recess there comes a time to offer words of comfort, encouragement, and help. Job’s visitors did not do that but Job makes it clear that is what he would do and what should be done.

Likewise we should seek to do as Job describes as well, comfort with our words not harm. Therefore, our words should be selected very carefully during the time of a friend’s or acquaintance’s great grief or loss.

Job 16:6 (NKJV)

“Though I speak, my grief is not relieved;

And if I remain silent, how am I eased?

One of the most important lessons we can learn about grief can be derived from the words found in this verse. Whether we talk about our grief or we choose not to talk about our grief, it takes time to heal from loss. I am sure you have heard it said, ‘Some things just take time.’ and sometimes some things just take time to heal. Greif caused by substantial loss of a loved one, a dream, or a significant relationship is one of those “things” that just take time. Talking at times will help. Remaining silent at times will help. With our lips open or closed, we must still do the required time to see the manifestation of our healing.

There is a wonderful song by Dallas Holm I used in years past, over two decades or more now, to help me during some dark days of grief, a grief so intense I truly did not want to live any longer, a song that one day made me angry when I heard it and the next day could comfort me like a mother’s arms – the title of the song says it all – This Too Shall Pass.

In the next part of this series, part ten, we will examine stage nine of grief, one of the two healing stages.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

¹¹And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, ¹²for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, ¹³till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; ¹⁴that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, ¹⁵but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— ¹⁶from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.