Question Summary:

A Christian woman moved in with her non-Christian boyfriend, he cheated on her repeatedly citing an abundance of sexual needs, therefore, ultimately she moved out breaking the relationship off. Later she restarted the relationship after he promised repeatedly to stop cheating; yet, he did not and has not stopped. Perplexed by what she should do, she wonders if Christian love should cover this situation and if she should reenter the relationship, again, resume living together, and pray that her good conduct as a Christian woman will bring her boyfriend around so he will become a Christian and stop cheating.

Reply:

This entire situation and relationship is built on a faulty foundation, which is unbiblical and secular. You, the readers, have only read a summary of the question I have read and know much more about the situation, thus, I can discern the heart of this young woman and the complexities involved in her decisions. This is not a situation, which is solely the product of ungodly choices it is also a product of wrong biblical teaching. Here are some of the distorted teachings found within her situation.

The first distortion found in this situation is the idea that Christian Love means we overlook people’s sins. Scripture does not teach that, Scripture teaches we forgive people’s sins. Habitual sin is something that should be addressed, not overlooked. The distortions in this teaching are derived from a couple of Scriptures that have had their true meaning twisted.

1 Peter 4:8 (NKJV)

⁸ And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

This Scripture does not teach that we are to ignore the sins of our brothers and sister in Christ. What it teaches is that if we truly love one another, or more accurately have charity for one another, as we should, that love will hide, keep, cover, us from sinning against one another because we will be given to benevolence and compassion toward one another. Benevolence is kindness, compassion, and goodwill in action.

We are not to shout other people’s sins from the rooftops. However, do not equate not telling others about a person’s sin with being tolerant of habitual sin. Habitual sin is to be confronted, addressed, and dealt with appropriately. As we read in the following Scripture from the book of James, by rebuking another Believer and helping them to get back on a godly course of action, we are actually used of God to cover a multitude of what would have been future sins.

James 5:19–20 (NKJV)

19 Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, 20 let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

In this passage from James, we know the church leader was talking about Believers because they are referred to as “Brethren” and are found ‘among them’ having ‘wandered from the truth’. You cannot wander from what you do not know. These individuals are acting as a sinner would act, not as a Devoted Believer would act. James urges us to do what we can to turn someone from sin because sin will kill the soul of a person, even a Believer.

Application to question. This man’s sin should not be tolerated because it is habitual sin from which he refuses to repent. He only gives lip service to his repentance not real change.

The second distorted teaching found in this situation comes from a passage in 1 Peter.

1 Peter 3:1 (NKJV)

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

This passage is written for a couple of different application. 1 – If a woman should be saved after marriage and her husband is still unsaved. 2 – If both husband and wife are saved but the wife believes and is adhering to God’s Word more than the husband.

This passage is not meant to be used to support the idea of a Christian woman marrying, or being in relationship with, a non-Christian in the hopes that her godly conduct will turn the man to Christ. This passage only applies to an unequally yoked relationship in either spiritual maturity or one that became unequally yoked after marriage due to the wife’s conversion to Christ. Christians are not to marry or date or be business/ministry partners with or have intimate friendships with or even close associates with non-Christians because if we do it will cause us to be “restricted” in life. Which when you research the Greek language for the term used here in 2 Corinthians 6:12 we find that these unequally yoked relationships will only cause “calamity, anguish, and distress” for the Believer.

2 Corinthians 6:11–18 (NKJV)

¹¹ O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. ¹² You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. ¹³ Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open.

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? ¹⁵ And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

“I will dwell in them

And walk among them.

I will be their God,

And they shall be My people.”

¹⁷ Therefore

“Come out from among them

And be separate, says the Lord.

Do not touch what is unclean,

And I will receive you.”

¹⁸“I will be a Father to you,

And you shall be My sons and daughters,

Says the LORD Almighty.”

Application to the question. This young woman should not be, and should never have been, in relationship with this young man because he is a non-Believer. Therefore, she certainly has no moral obligation to try to win him to Christ by staying in relationship with him and setting a good example for him. By staying in the relationship, she is setting a bad example of what godliness is for him, because she is violating Scripture.

Precious Child of God,

This is a relationship, which never should have been entered and you desperately need to leave, not only to obey Christ but also for your own personal dignity and self-worth. If it has not affected you yet, if you continue in this unhealthy relationship it will. We cannot sin or allow sin to be habitually perpetrated against us and not be affected.

His sexual needs are not the problem his morality and self-esteem are the problem. That is something only Christ can fix. If your rebukes have not worked at this point, they most likely will have little effect in the future. His repeated broken promises have destroyed the trust base for your relationship.

You are violating Scripture if you continue in a sexual relationship, living with, or even dating this man at this point. If this is the man God has for you God will well able to draw him, save him, correct his life-view and morality, then bring him back to you.

I urge you not to leave your life on hold waiting for that to happen. Move on and see where God wants to take your life.

 

Regarding worldviews and dating.

Secular sources – self-help, advice, mass media – some of these resources can be useful in obtaining knowledge about what is going on in our world but they are not credible sources for a Believer when it comes to establishing beliefs, opinions, and directives for life. The gap between the two foundational platforms (biblical vs. secular) is too vast at this point in our present day society to bring reconciliation between the two. A Believer should seek out Christian lifestyle training, godly counsel, and Christian forms of mass media using those to shape their approach to life.

 

 

Spiritual/Political Disclaimer:

This blog will not be for the faint of heart or the easily offended. It will not be in any way politically correct. It will make every effort to share the truth in love, [Ephesians 4:11-16], to a decaying and dying society and church. I share what I share not to hurt, harm, or offend any person[s] or group; I do it because Christ’s Standard and Truth is not being represented by enough of His Followers and I do it out of love. I love enough to tell His Truth.

Ephesians 4:11-16 NKJV

¹¹And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, ¹²for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, ¹³till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; ¹⁴that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, ¹⁵but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— ¹⁶from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.